mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
