Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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