i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
