Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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