I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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