why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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