girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
