Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
