I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
