I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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