thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
