I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
