So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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