I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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