My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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