my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
