I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
