Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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