I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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