the condom got lost in my hair
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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