pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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