Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We need to get me chipped asap
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
