GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
