I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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