I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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