I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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