i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
