I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
