Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
