so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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