im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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