I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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