What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
