what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I love you.
Bad choice
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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