They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
