ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
