Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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