Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's rum buckets o'clock
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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