Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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