did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
