He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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