Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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