Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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