You're my little dorito
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
