He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
