; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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