dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize