This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
