So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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