it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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