dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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