you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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