I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
