Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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