i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
