And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
