i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
