...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
