Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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