If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
