omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
