Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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