you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
