We won't sleep together?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
