I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
