sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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