I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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