if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
