Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
