Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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